-3 Things I Hope My Daughters Tell Me at 18-

"Dad, I love you."

That means I did the parenting thing right.  I've heard some pretty brutal stories of how innocent, loving princesses turn into crazy, evil witches once they turn 12 or 13.  One dad's words to me: "You just want your daughters to survive adolescence and still love you!"

"Dad, I love Jesus."

That means I did the pastoring thing right.  It's my responsibility to teach my kids about Jesus, to show them what Jesus looks like, and to saturate their lives with this life changing message.  It's my job to pray daily for my kids that God would redeem them and do what only He can do in their life, to help them understand that Jesus loves them even more than their dad loves them.

"Dad, I love the Church."

This means I did the professional thing right.  Too many pastor's kids hate the Church when they grow up because they saw their dad allow the church to steal him away from them growing up.  If dad spends the time loving on the church that he should have spent loving on his kids, the kids will one day resent the Church for it.

What do you hope your kids will say to you one day?

-Stealing From Jesus & Cheating On Your Wife-

You can value everything, but you can't value everything equally.  Valuing everything equally means not valuing anything at all.

So you have to learn how to cheat and steal.  Let me explain:

You and I have a limited amount of resources in this life: time, money, and energy just to name a few.  We'll call this "sand."

You and I have major areas of our lives that require resources: work, personal, spouse, family, and God just to name a few.  We'll call these "buckets."

Here's the big problem...

We don't have enough sand to fill all of our buckets.  So that means you've got some choices to make.  To add to one bucket you'll have to steal from another one.  In order to make sure one is filled up to a healthy level, you'll have to cheat another one.

Here's the big question...

Which buckets in your life are you willing to steal from?  Who are you going to cheat?  Which ones are really the most important to you?

You're going to have to cheat something.  You're going to have to steal from someone.  So choose wisely!

Don't let your family, your marriage, or your relationship with Jesus be a casualty on the side of the road of life.  Be sure you're stealing from and cheating on the right buckets.

-The MVP in the Church-

Every church has an MVP.  This person is the most important piece of the puzzle.  They keep the wheels from falling off and the entire mission from going up in flames.  They have the hardest job in the organization!

Yet, their name isn't on the website and never gets any stage time or recognition.  It's unpaid, hard, demanding, and sometimes completely unfair.

So who is it?  The Pastor?  The Worship Leader? The volunteer that cleans the bathrooms after the service with their bare hands because the church budget got cut and "Cleaning Supplies" was the line item that was easiest to slash?

Nope.  The hardest job in the church is being the pastor's wife.

(CAVAET: I didn't write this so that you'll feel sorry for my wife or any other pastor's wife.  I wrote this to celebrate the heroes in ministry life!)


Here are 3 big reasons why it's hard to be the wife of a pastor:

1.  THEY LIVE THEIR LIFE UNDER A MICROSCOPE
Everything that they say or do is critiqued by everyone.  Every social media post, every financial decision, and every parenting choice will be analyzed.  When their kids misbehave or they say or do something out of frustration, it will be scrutinized.

What, you may ask, brought this encouraging and uplifting gift upon them?  Their husband's calling.  "Thanks honey."

So they do their best to deal with the Church version of the NSA and strive hard to ensure that their personal and (not so) private life adds credibility to the message that their husband is preaching as oppose to tearing it down.


2.  THEY CONSTANTLY DEAL WITH PUBLIC CRITICISM
Being a pastor and a leader comes with perks, but also plasters a bullseye on your back.  Criticism can be hard for some pastors, but it's almost always more difficult for their wives.

A pastors wife's DESIRED response to public criticism may be to punch someone in the throat, go out in the parking lot during the service and slash their tires, or throw holy water on them convinced that it will burn their skin because they are a demon disguised as a faithful member.  "The Power of Christ Compels You!"

Yet, what do they end up doing?  Smiling, taking the high road, and asking God to suppress their feelings of violence in order to keep the church off the front page of the newspaper.  After all, deep down they really don't have time to start a women's prison ministry right now.  Especially one from the inside.


3.  THEY ARE ON THE JOB 24/7
"It must be really nice to have that kind of free time since you only work on Sunday."  I love that comment.  Especially when that person calls with an emergency or a family crisis...on Tuesday night.  "Oh sorry, since I only work one day a week I'll have to wait to get back to you...in 5 more days."

But seriously, being a pastor is a 24/7 job.  Emergencies tend to happen in the middle of the night.  A family crisis almost NEVER happens between the hours of 9am-5pm.  Deaths and funerals seem to always pop up in the middle of your annual family vacation.

And who bears the brunt of that?  The pastor's wife.  "When is it going to be my turn?"  She shares her husband with the entire church.  For most pastors there isn't a day that he is not at the very least "on call."  So she is flexible, understanding, and oftentimes puts the needs of others above her own.


The Pastor's wife is BY FAR the most difficult position in the church.  The second hardest position isn't even close.  If you don't think that's true, just ask her (and don't say anything negative unless you want to get punched in the throat).